Unwanted Baby
by Fujiko
Summary: All of his life Goten has hidden the person that he truly is, to make everyone else happy. They wanted Goku, but Goten is not Goku. When life becomes too hard for Goten to handle, will he choose to end it all? Trigger warning for self-harm.


**Unwanted Baby**

Authors Note: I got the idea for this fic while listening to Miyavi's song Papa Mama Nozomarenu Baby which translates into Papa Mama Unwanted Baby. If you haven't heard of Miyavi or heard any of his songs than I highly recommend that you check him out!

Disclaimer: The song lyrics featured in this story are parts of Miyavi's song Papa Mama Nozomarenu Baby. Song and all rights are property of Miyavi. Also, all of the characters are property of Akira Toriyama and TOEI animation. I don't claim to own them. Bla, bla, bla.

The stuff that is centered and in bold and italics are the song lyrics.

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_**Like you, like me. So I hate blood and I won't be like you.**__**Papa, mama... I'm sorry.**_

Goten sat across the table from his mother and his father, whom were both silently eating their dinner. He honestly hated eating at home. In fact, he hated being at home period. When Gohan had married Videl, he, of course, moved out which left Goten alone with his mother and father the majority of the time. His father was always gone, and in all honesty, Goten wished that he would just leave for good. Why? Because throughout his whole life, Goten has hidden a deep wound. He felt like he was unwanted, which, in a way, he was.

Goten was born after Goku died. Chichi hadn't been aware that she was pregnant and when she found out about Goten, she wasn't fully able to handle the fact that she was having another child and Goku was not there. Needless to say that when Goten was born, and he looked almost identical to Goku, Chichi had an even harder time with taking care of her new baby. Goten reminded Chichi of what she lost and though she tried to raise him with as much love and passion as she had raised Gohan, she had failed.

When Goku came back, Goten tried to pretend to like him, he tried to pretend that he didn't hate him. Everyone else may have been blind to the person that Goten really was, be he couldn't hide from himself. He had been trying to be just like this man his whole life to make everyone else happy but it was tearing him apart. Goten was not Goku. Goten wasn't anything like Goku and honestly, he was tired of everyone trying to make him into Goku's clone.

Goten looked up to see both of his parents still eating. They were having a conversation with one another and like always, he was practically being ignored. He internally growled and set his chopsticks down on his plate. "I'm done. May I be excused?" He asked, trying to hide the anger in his voice.

Chichi looked up from her plate and smiled. "Yes, of course." The tone in her voice was the one she always used on him. In fact, she only used it on him. It was sugary sweet, fake, and it make him want to puke. Goten once again held in his emotions and smiled, picking up his plate and putting it in the sink before walking upstairs to his bedroom.

Once he was there, he shut and locked his door. He then turned on his CD player and turned it all the way up. Rock music blared though the speakers. People often asked him why he listened to such angry music when he was such a happy person. He would just smile sheepishly and rub the back of his neck, saying that he liked it and that was all that there was to it. If they knew the real Goten, they would know that he and the music he listened to, matched perfectly.

_**I almost want to cry every fucking day, I almost want to die everyday.**__**Dear God, did I do something wrong?**_

Goten sighed as he walked into the bathroom that was connected to his bedroom and turned on the water in his shower setting it to as hot as it would go. He got in and once he got adjusted to the temperature of the water, he slid down, sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest. He grabbed his razor and pulled the blade out then pressed it to his wrist, closed his eyes, and slide the blade across it, cutting deep into his skin. He inhaled sharply as he felt the sting of the cut, and opened his eyes to watch water hit the blood, mix with it, and then carry it down the drain.

Cutting had become his escape from the pain he felt. When he cut, he could clear his mind of his life, they way he had always been treated, his mother, his father... all of his problems. He lifted the razor and cut into his skin again and again. Each time the cuts got deeper and deeper and each time he would feel relief from the weight that had been put on his shoulders the day he was born. He was an unplanned, unwanted baby, and he had been brainwashed into thinking that if he pretended to be like his father, than everyone would love and accept him with open arms; but that hadn't been the case. No one truly accepted him for him, because no one knew the real Goten.

As he sat there, watching the blood drain from his body, Goten heard his favorite song start to play on his CD player and he closed his eyes once again, listening to the melody. The song reminded him of a lullaby. Soon, Goten drifted off into a deep sleep, still sitting in the floor of his shower, his wrist heavily bleeding, and his life slowly slipping away. He never thought that his father would feel his ki weakening. He never thought they would come for him, only to find his door locked. He never thought that by the time they got into his room, it might be too late.

_**Close your eyes and say good-night (Wetting the pillow)**__**Dear God, where is my home?**_

As Goku and Chichi entered the bathroom, Chichi called Goten's name, when Goten didn't answer, Goku pulled back the shower curtain and Chichi screamed. What she saw lying in the bottom of the shower, was her youngest son. His wrists were cut open and bleeding profusely. He was pale; so pale that his skin looked grey and he was no longer part of the world of the living. Chichi immediately started sobbing and grabbed onto Goku for support. "It's all my fault." She whispered over and over again in between her loud sobs.

Goku turned off the water in the shower, which had turned icy cold long ago. He then picked Chichi up and carried her into Goten's room, gently setting her on the bed where she buried her head into Goten's pillow and sobbed harder, still whispering that it was her fault like it was a chant. Goku turned and went back into the bathroom, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around Goten, then he gently picked his son up and carried him into the bedroom, laying him down on the bed beside Chichi and tried to revive him.

Goten couldn't be revived. He was gone and once Chichi realized this, she held her lifeless son in her arms and petted his hair, like someone would do with a small child who was crying. Goku went downstairs and called all of their family and friends, telling them what had happened. Soon, everyone had arrived at the Son's house to mourn the loss of Goten. They now knew Goten for who he was. They now mourned him for who he was. He was no longer Goku's clone to them. He was Goten; and Goten smiled from Heaven. He finally got what he wanted. He was no longer an unwanted baby.

_**Notice me, look at me, hold me.**_

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Authors Note: Let me just say one thing; self harm is never the answer. I realize this could be a trigger for those who do cut and I'm sorry, it is not intended for that. If you know someone who cuts or has thoughts of suicide please know that you are not alone and that you are loved and there is help out there. Please go to "to write love on her arms" website and seek the help you need.


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